Week 2: Submission 1: Formal letter(Descriptive Reflection)

Dear Professor Brad,

I'll start by introducing myself to let you know more about me. My name is Jeremy Koh, and I'm currently an undergraduate at the Singapore Institute of Technology(SIT) in civil engineering. I am a student in group 5 from your module, effective communication. I graduated in 2018 from Nanyang Polytechnic with a diploma in mechatronics engineering. During the course of the study, we were taught engineering software like AutoCAD and Revit. I aspire to be a BIM engineer after graduating. I found out that AutoCAD and Revit are also taught in the modules of civil engineering at SIT. I hope to make use of this opportunity to learn more about these two software.

Effective communication is one of the most important soft skills. I do have my strengths and weaknesses as well. My strength would be being a good listener. I will refrain from prematurely judging until the end of the conversation to give my opinion. The reason behind it is that I would not miss out on the fundamental feelings of the other person and to understand from his or her point of view.

My weakness is that I get nervous easily speaking in front of a large crowd. As a result, I often find myself stuttering and having long pauses in between that express uncertainty.

The first goal I have for the module would be to work on my presentation and public speaking skills by being more confident on stage especially when I am talking to a large group.

The second goal is to be a better listener. In order to communicate effectively, you have to listen to what others have to say and providing an empathetic answer shows that you have taken those ideas into account.

At the end of this trimester, I hope to take away more than just an 'A' grade from this module. With that, I look forward to attending your class.

 

Warmest Regards,

Jeremy Koh

Group 5

(Revised as of 8/4/21)

Commented on Sherman's blog, Isqandar's blog, Leah's blog, Stanley's blog, Zheng Hao's blog and  Bariah's blog


Comments

  1. Brad BlackstoneJanuary 21, 2021 at 7:03 PM

    Thank you, Jeremy! I look forward to reading this and to seeing comments from your peers.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. JERJanuary 27, 2021 at 5:04 AM

      Thanks Prof! Looking forward to receiving your feedback from you. :)

      Delete
  2. leah sonnaJanuary 22, 2021 at 9:55 PM

    Thank you for this letter, Jeremy. I can tell you're a good listener from the first time we met, and I'm glad that you take pride in it~

    For your third paragraph, as stated, "My weakness is speaking in front of a large crowd, and when that happens. I get very nervous." could be rephrased as "My weakness is that I get very nervous when speaking in front of a large crowd." to simplify into just one sentence.

    "I start to hesitate and use wimpy words in my speech. Words like, "uh...", "um...', and other words that express uncertainty." could be phrased as "I have long pauses and speech disfluencies that express uncertainty."

    I believe having a bit of these words are completely normal (as it's out of habit). However, I think the excessive use of the filler words like "um, errrr, uh" would not be ideal too. I think it's fine to pause for a few seconds to eliminate these verbal fillers.





    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. leah sonnaJanuary 22, 2021 at 10:05 PM



      I believe having a bit of these words IS* completely normal (as it's out of habit). However, I think the excessive use of the filler words like "um, errrr, uh" would not be ideal too. I think it's fine to pause for a few seconds to eliminate these verbal fillers.

      Delete
    2. JERJanuary 27, 2021 at 9:08 PM

      Hi Leah, thank you for taking time to read my letter. I will take note of the constructive feedback you gave me and make necessary adjustment. The reason why I added "I start to hesitate and use wimpy words in my speech. Words like, "uh...", "um...', and other words that express uncertainty." is because I would like to give an example/elaborate on my weakness but I think your suggested phrase gives off that 'formal' feels to it.
      I am aware of my bad habits as well, I will try to improve on it. : )))

      Delete
  3. Sherman Ong January 24, 2021 at 7:53 AM

    Great effort for your self-introduction letter! We might have known each other back in secondary school but there was a gap in our friendship when we went our separate ways after graduation but it is nice to reconnect with you again. Overall, I feel that your letter is complete however, there is some parts where there is an issue with correctness of the sentence structure. I think your letter would be greatly improved after rephrasing some of the sentences. Hopefully, you will be able to achieve the goal you set for this module and get that 'A'.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. JERJanuary 27, 2021 at 8:58 PM

      Hi Sherman, when I first knew we both were enrolled in the same course in SIT. I was pretty stoked about it, knowing that at least I won't be alone on the first day of school. I still remember back in secondary school we happen to be in the same cca as well.
      I will vet through my letter again and make necessary adjustment to it, thank you once again for taking time to read my letter! :))))

      Delete
  4. SohJanuary 24, 2021 at 6:49 PM

    Hey Jeremy!

    It was really nice to read your letter. I like that you aim for continuous improvement in your listening skills and that you are goal-oriented, i.e. to be a BIM engineer.

    To build upon the comments given by our classmates above, I would like to mention that you need to improve on your grammatical skills. For example, the capitalization of your proper nouns e.g. "Effective Communication" & "Diploma in Mechatronics Engineering". Do also take note of words that need to be expressed in the plural form: "strengths" and "weaknesses"

    Furthermore, you can be more 'Concise' in your writing by shortening phrases like "I'll start first by" to "I'll start by".

    Nevertheless, I feel that your letter has a lot of 'Clarity' because your shorter paragraphs are really easy on the eyes and has a flow.

    I hope that my comments have been constructive and that they will help bring you a step closer to the grade that you would like to achieve. :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. JERJanuary 27, 2021 at 8:29 PM

      Hi Soh, Thank you for taking time to read and comment on my letter, I appreciate it. Just a quick question, I thought we were taught in class, there is no need for capitalization for words like 'Effective Communication' and 'Diploma in Mechatronics Engineering'.
      I am aware of my bad grammar as well, sad to say but I try and improve on it.
      I will make adjustment to my letter according to the feedback I got from you.

      Delete
  5. AsyrafJanuary 25, 2021 at 7:07 PM

    Hello Jeremy, I feel that your letter was well-written. For the first paragraph, you provide a detailed explanation of why you choose civil engineering. The paragraphs you wrote is very concise and easy to read. However, there are some issues with the sentence structures. For example, the sentence 'I always believe in "Listen more than you talk" because to communicate effectively.' feels incomplete. Overall, the letter is enjoyable to read and I hope you will achieve your goals.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. JERJanuary 27, 2021 at 7:56 PM

      Hi Unknown, noted on this. Thank you for your constructive feedback, appreciate it! I will try to make adjustment to the sentence.
      Have a pleasant day ahead! :))))

      Delete
    2. AsyrafApril 9, 2021 at 5:47 PM

      This comment has been removed by the author.

      Delete
  6. Brad BlackstoneFebruary 1, 2021 at 5:56 PM


    Dear Jeremy,

    Thank you so much for your patience; my apologies for the late review.

    Your letter addresses the various paramaters of the assignment. It's clear and fairly detaled post, one that allows us to learn about you, especially in regard to your skill level, your comm strength and weaknesses and the aligned goals. I'm glad to see that you value improving your skills. Let's start that by looking at the language use in this post:

    1. sentence structure issues
    -- I found out that AutoCAD and Revit are also taught in the modules of civil engineering at SIT hence I would like to make use of this opportunity to learn more about them. > (run on sentence)

    -- My weakness is speaking in front of a large crowd, and when that happens. I get very nervous. > ?
    -- Words like, "uh...", "um...', and other words that express uncertainty. > (fragment)

    -- Be more confident on stage and work on my delivery skills, especially when talking to a large group. > (fragment: connect to the previous statement)

    2. grammar/words
    -- Being able to communicate effectively are essential soft skills. > (subject-verb disagreement) ?

    Now I'd like to see how you polish this post.

    Best wishes,

    Brad

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. JERFebruary 2, 2021 at 11:22 PM

      Hi prof, I appreciate your constructive feedback. I made necessary changes to my introductory letter from all the feedback I've gotten, hopefully I'll get a higher score after the amendments. Thank you and have a nice day!
      Regards,
      Jeremy

      Delete
  7. SYAKIRAH SALEHApril 9, 2021 at 10:56 AM

    Hi Jeremy!

    Thank you for an honest introduction letter. I thought this piece was reflecting a very sincere side of you. I like how you relate effective communication as an important skill and went on to provide examples which elaborates on the impacts of this skill; an example would be listening and recognising the feelings of the person you communicate to. I like how you kept your points on strengths, weakness and goals concise. It is evident that you applied the 7Cs in this letter through the flow of your letter and supporting your points with examples.

    Overall, I like how you articulate your thoughts in this letter.
    Looking forward to working with you again Jer! Good luck!

    Best wishes,
    Syakirah

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. SYAKIRAH SALEHApril 9, 2021 at 11:02 AM

      Edit:
      *It is evident that you applied the 7Cs through the flow of your letter and supported your points with examples.

      Delete

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